Thursday, April 4, 2013

Neener-Neener: My Inner Child


In case you missed it, I published my memoir Head Buckets & Hashtags yesterday!  Whoohooo!  I'm still thrilled!  It's available on Amazon Kindle (readable w/free app on computers, smart phones & tablets) for $.99 through Wednesday, April 10th.  

Perfect Moments:

These past two days have been chock-full of perfect moments!  Tuesday evening, as I worked through my (first of four) upload of Head Buckets & Hashtags to Kindle Direct Publishing, I grinned through a few tears as I chanted “I’m getting published, I’m getting published” to the tune of Neener-Neener.  That was a perfect moment!  What? Doesn’t every author have a scruffy, lifejacket clad inner urchin with badly cut bangs who sings about being published, to the melody of a familiar playground taunt?

When I finished the upload and accidentally hit the publish button before I was ready (I didn’t preview and it turned out I still had formatting problems), I giggled and thought, “It’s so easy to publish on KDP, you might do so by accident!”  Although I couldn’t correct the problem until many hours later (actually, three more downloads and almost a day later), that also was a perfect moment.  It was perfect because it was funny (to me, at least) and because a simple and uneventful upload of my very first published work would have violated my sense of how the world works.  Ya know?  Call me conflict habituated, but I’m at my best when there’s a challenge or barrier to overcome.

Today’s perfect moment came when I realized that with Head Buckets & Hashtags, I have already made an indelible mark on the world.  You may now do a keyword search for “head bucket” on Amazon Kindle and my memoir will show up!  I find that deeply amusing and it feels like I’ve uploaded a portion of my personal paradigm to the collective consciousness! 

Factoids: In which I answer questions that you haven’t asked but probably wanted to!

Q-Why do you have a scruffy, lifejacket clad inner urchin instead of a cute pig-tailed inner child dressed in a corduroy jumper and penny loafers?

A-The best way for me to answer that question is to suggest that you read my memoir! You knew I was going to do that, right?


Q-What the heck is a head bucket?

A- The “head” is a ship’s toilet.  When my family moved off our small boat and into the tiny float house that I describe in my memoir, we used what most folks would refer to as a “honey bucket”.  We also had a honey bucket…filled with honey.  We were accustomed to the nautical terminology and it seemed unwise to risk confusion so we called our piss pail a head bucket.

A caution for the faint of heart and those with delicate sensibilities, this next part contains a dose of reality! No, not scary.  Just slightly gross.

Long ago, right here on this planet, nobody had toilets!  At least on land, people had chamber pots, outhouses or the local ditch.  At sea, however, only the very wealthy and pampered used chamber pots.  Folks asked themselves, “What’s a sailor to do?” The answer was simple and remarkably efficient.  At the bow of each ship, near the base of the bow sprit (the funny sticky-out part that sailboats have in the front) was a small grated platform where sailors relieved themselves, and where rain and ocean waves naturally washed away the evidence.  All this occurred at the “head” of the ship; thus, the nautical term for toilet.

I’m sending you a plethora of perfect moments, don’t forget to watch for them!

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